Foreboding joy.
Not exactly the kind of joy that first comes to mind. In fact, it’s not something we hear about very often at all. Have you ever been walking through life and thought, “uh oh…things are going too well, something bad is bound to happen?”
That’s foreboding joy.
Its two very opposing emotions, which many of us feel, but maybe don’t understand. However, if you have lived through trauma (hello any human being) you are affected by this.
This is the first year, since 2012, that I’ve had nothing traumatic happen in the month of December. When I was with my abusive ex-husband, every holiday was ruined especially Christmas. Ask anyone who has lived through abuse, they can tell you that holidays were the most miserable with their abuser. After I left the abuse, I was ALWAYS in court during December. I couldn’t quite get in the “Christmas Spirit” until court was over and I had at least a week to recover from court. Now, I have been out of court for a year, yet my body and mind till correlate Christmastime with trauma.
Maybe you haven’t been in an abusive relationship. But, have you lost a loved one around Christmas? A terrible breakup around the holidays? Were you in an accident 10 years ago because of Christmas traffic? Were you fired right at the end of the year? Did some kind of trauma dramatically affect your holiday season in years past?
If so, you may notice that the second those cardboard Santas pop up in stores, your teeth clench and a wave of worry rushes over your body. The Christmas music starts playing in your office, but it only feels like nails on a chalkboard. However, you’re sure there was a time when the words of “Silver Bells” brought you pure joy!
Why does this happen? And how do we overcome it. Our body holds memories and even if we have mostly forgotten something, our body doesn’t. It was through experiencing this foreboding joy, that Psalm 28:7 made the most sense to me.
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
Each time I walked into court I would think. “Lord, I won’t survive this. I can’t survive this.” And you know what? I’m still standing! I survived each time. And I would walk away so thankful to the Lord that I had. So thankful that my strength and joy came from the Lord and not me. If the traditions of your past have been tainted by trauma…make a new tradition. Did you always help your Dad put up Christmas lights, but since his passing it’s been too traumatic to hang them anymore? How about walking through a festive neighborhood well known for their decorations. Grab some hot cocoa and the hands of a loved one! You’ve got yourself a lovely new tradition and the opportunity to make new memories.
What Satan meant for harm, you let the Lord create something new and beautiful in its place!
Will we still have painful reminders around a season of trauma? Sure! Does it have to steal our joy! Absolutely not!
The joy of the Lord truly IS our strength.
// ABOUT ALLISON
Allison is a single mom, who homeschools her son and works full time for a wedding website company. She and her son live near Sacramento, where they can be found making an adventure out of everyday life. Whether they are exploring a local zoo or their backyard, Allison is intentional to make the little things in life as magical as possible.
She is a survivor of domestic violence and a Certified Advocate for Victims of Abuse. She uses social media and her blog to educate and empower women to find freedom and healing in Christ. Allison’s heart is to create for victims/survivors of abuse, what she wished she had when she left her abusive marriage. Her desire is for women in trauma to understand that they are loved, they are not alone and God has a plan for their life.
Find her encouraging women on Instagram @hope_in_healing and her blog.